Friday, December 23, 2011

Christmas time

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I cant help but wonder what Keaton is doing today. I wonder if he is very excited for Santa to come see him tomorrow night.

I wonder if he has gotten pictures with Santa, and wish I could have one. I wonder what R&H got him. Is it a gift I would have chosen? Or is it something I would have had no clue to pick out. 

This time of year is hard for me, hard for everyone. This year I will be missing more than just Keaton. 

This is the second year without my Grandmother, and it still feels like the first. I will lay in bed tonight and cry, and cry. Tomorrow I am sure I will spend a lot of time over tears. Its funny, but as much as I know others will be crying on Christmas, missing her, I would just feel out of place if I let them see me cry. 

I havent put the gifts under the tree yet, I just dont feel the Christmas spirit yet. The cookies are (almost) all baked, and the gifts are (almost) all wrapped, but something just doesnt feel right. 

I look over to my book shelves every day and look at the Candy Dispensers and notice only two missing. One I let my Aunt Janet keep - the Christmas one - and one I gave to Alex to take home. 

This year, missing Keaton isn't so hard, its missing my Grandma Fraser that is breaking my heart into a million pieces....

Part of me wishes I could just skip Christmas and New Years, and go right to January 2nd. 

Part of me just wishes I was a little kid again, down Grandma's basement for a New Years Eve party.

You are LOVED,