Tuesday, May 10, 2011
So, my adoption has changed, and im not quite sure why, or how. But, I dont feel like I need to ask either.
Before you read any further, let me make a general statement... I DONT BLAME ANYONE. I chose this adoption, and I chose this couple because I trusted, and still trust them, to do what ever they think it right for Keaton.
In the beginning R&H made the adoption completely open. But, things were different. R worked full time, and H was a stay at home mom. Both shared parenting duties, but there was more time for me to contact them; they had more free time for the communication.
Well, that has changed. H is in school full time, so the time slots have filled quickly.
But, last year, KEatons (possible) BirthFather contacted me and stated he wanted information on Keaton and his parents. I refused! Its not my place to pass out their info. I would not betray their trust like that. Soon after, his mother contacted me, trying to convince me that it was in everyones best interest for them to have contact as well. I told her the most I would do is pass along the adoption agency info. Well, before I did this, I wanted to contact the adoption agency and make sure that by doing this, i wasnt breaching anyones trust, that R&H's info would not be given out, and that nothing would get broken.
I was assured it wouldnt.
Before I could even get back in touch with his mother, she emailed me a very nasty letter, and stated that she had already contacted a private investigatorand got all of the info on the adoption, and the aParents.
I quickly e-mailed R&H to let them know that I did NOT give out any of their info, and that i tried as hard as I could to comfort the birthfatehr and his family, but in the end they took it into their own hands.
R&H also know that this man may not be the father - I was young and stupid and alone, i has slept with two differnt men in the course of a week.
This is one of the things I am ashamed of, but I am not ashamed of the outcome.
R&H were waiting for a son, and I was the one who was able to give them that gift.
But its hard; not knowing if the interrerence from the BFather is the reason there are no more e-mails, photos, or phone calls.
I always got a card on BirthMothers day (The Saturday before Mothers Day), but this year I didnt get anything. Just a short note on FB saying they were thinking of me.
I e-mailed them back, and asked if it was possible to get photos, or a phone call. They asked for my phone number again, but i havent heard anything yet.
All in all I would never change a thing about the adoption.
I am still proud to call them the parents of my son; I just wish I had personally done things different in the beginning.
The possible BirthFather was well into drugs, had some issues with the law he was taking care of; and I tried to tell him about it. I remember fights we had over the phone about it. But, he never realized the responsibility... and the other man only offered to pay for an abortion... and when that became too late, he said he would take custody from me, and not by my choice.
In the end, I am glad, and proud of the decision I made.
Anyways, today is my Son's birthday, Alex, and he is 7. It makes me think of Keaton... I wonder what he looks like, how much he is like me, how much he is like the BFather, how much he is like his parents.
I missed his first step, first word, etc.... and I wonder what all of them were....
I just, miss him
You are LOVED,