Monday, October 26, 2009

switching around the negative thoughts 12-28-06

switching around the negative thoughts
I talked to a friend today, and she really needed my help. She called me with questions about someone she was having trouble with. Not as in, they were causing trouble, but she was having questionable thoughts about it sometimes. So, i told her what i do when I question my own thoughts or personal situations.And now, i want to share them with you, because i think they might really help with any situation, not just adoption. I listen to what someone says, and i take every word they say as truth. But, i also make myself ready, if that situation should change. This way, i have a reason to believe what they say, and i have reasons to understand the reasons why if things should change. Since this is my adoption blog, i'll use my open adoption entry for the example.What I was told: This will be an open adoption, and i will be able to see my son grow up.Why I can believe this statement:1) I know H & R are wonderful people, and they would never lie to me.2) I know H & R love their children, and they want them to know where they came from, and I am the borth-mother of their son.3) H & R and I got to know each other very well, and we have an understanding and trust in eachother.4) H & R want me to be able to be there to help answer any questions that Keaton might have when he grows up, and in order for me to do that, we need to keep the lines of communication open.5) I need H & R to be there for me to answer any questions I might have about Keaton, and i need to be open and honest with them to keep that available to me.What could happen: They could change their mind, and i may not see Keaton again till he is 18, if he decides to look for me.Reasons I can understand this situation if it happens:1) I know H & R will only make decisions that are best for Keaton.2) I know H & R would only do this if they felt Keaton was in danger, or in harms way.3) I know if they felt this was best, then i can trust their judgement.4) I choose these parents for Keaton, and I have to understand and accept ANY decisions they choose for his life-path.5) I know that no matter what choices H & R DO make for Keaton are in his best interest, and they will everything possible before breaking the ties between Keaton and I.
So, you see, no matter what happens, I will have good reasons to understand why that happened. So, if i see him grow up, i know it is becuase we have trust, and love for each other. But, even if i dont see him grow up, we STILL have trust and love for each other. I chose there women to parent my son. I chose this life for him. I chose this life-path for him. BUT, before i made this decision, GOD had it all mapped out. And no matter what happens, it is what HE had planned. If its hard for me to see Keaton, i know God will help me through my fears and tears. If I smile when i leave his side, i knows its because God is putting joy in my heart, to see him with the family he was ment to be with. But, if they stop communicating with me, and ask me to step away, I know it was Gods plan for me to do that, and I will sit back (maybe crying, but understanding), and wait for God to lay out his next brick for this adoption path i am walking. Days may be filled with crying, misunderstanding, confusion, and fear, but my God will always be there, to hold me mentally, and emotionally. In the end, he will always be there for me. When the moments come that i can smile for Keaton and his new life, i know its God wrapping his arms around me and hugging me. It is God telling me he is proud of me, and thankfull that i fullfilled his plan, without letting anyone stear me off that path.Anyways, i hope some of this can help you. I want you to take this, and walk away withthe thought that maybe you can try this, even if just for a few days. It helps, expecially when you are in a depressed, or unhappy mind state. And write it down, dont just think about it. Your mind can play games sometimes. The devil can swim in your thoughts, but only God can controle your eyes. But remember, write it down, and reread it. Remind yourself that these things are real, and these things are believeable.
I also want you to know that, over the few days after Keaton was at his home, H called me almost daily, and it made me realise that, everything i wrote down was true. This adoption is open, and we do have trust and faith in eachother, and I believe everything they say. But, on the bad days, when i get scared, i use this to reassure myself that things will be OK.
H always tells me not to worry about tomorrow. And even though sometimes i do, this helps to ease my mind.**Thank you H & R for helping to bless my sons life so immensely! I love the both of you!**
2006-12-28 04:23:23 GMT

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